Under a Black Rainbow

Lost people get lost in things. I don't know why it took me so long to make the connection.  Or maybe I did and I just ignored it...which, considering the last couple of years? Almost certainly the case. I've been simultaneously aloof and so fucking aware that the two have become hard to separate. Some real left brain / right brain shit. Two sides, same coin, yada yada.  It explains a lot though, this physics of the self. If I find myself deficient in something in my life, I fill that void with something tangible and excessive. Lose a lover in your 20s and maybe you end up shoving your nose in some books for another 7 years. Get jumped by a homeless person twice your size and maybe you end up leaving a city for a completely different one...but you carry that traumatic moment with you for a good long while. A lost person gets lost in the process of losing themselves in order to move on.  It's me. I'm lost people. And I'm the one getting lost in things. I'm the on

At the risk of poking the universal bear, it feels like I'm on the other side of this grief that's been absolutely kicking my ass for two years.  And sure, it'll return during an inappropriate moment or it'll keep me up some random night in the future, but for now? It's like the summer sun burning off a morning fog that's overstayed its welcome by several months too many.  There are two lessons I've learned in this...two main ones, anyway; I'm sure there are a million others scattered throughout the digital pages of this blog: You have to find time to sit with your grief. It will end when it's done with you, not the reverse.  I'm the king of throwing myself into new moments or projects purely so I can avoid dealing with things that are bigger than I am, the things that remain out of my control no matter how hard I might try to change them. This ain't that, though doing so anyway *did* elicit some interesting new happenings in my life.  But th

Another quiet month for the reading, but a massively busy month in terms of getting out, traveling to Detroit, trying to break my monk-like solitude in the house. I'm actively working to get out more this summer now that I'm feeling like grief has finally left this body of mine.  I've also been VERY active in getting my weight and eating under control. I'm down into the 240s now, have added some new, heavier weights to my daily workouts, and am feeling much more like myself than I have in quite some time. I'm not trying to get too excited, but I'd love for this summer to be a much more enjoyable one than the previous few have been.  *     *     *     *     * APRIL (3 books | 1,193 pgs) 40.) The Stygian Library (System Manual, 161 pgs) 41.) The New Mutants Epic Collection, Vol. 7: Cable (Graphic Novel, 496 pgs) 42.) Joe Golem: Occult Detective Omnibus (Graphic Novel, 536 pgs) ( 5,801 )