Under a Black Rainbow

Time is the strangest construct; the older I get, the easier it is for me to lose myself in its hours, to feel untethered and without firm footing. A minute passes and a family member is no longer an infant, but a fully-grown adult. An hour passes and I am caught drowning in thoughts of nearly a decade's worth of living that looks so much different on this side of 40. Not bad, not good, just...different and alien. A decade's worth of decisions and their impacts upon this moment in this life and this moment in this life and that moment in this life. Ad infinitum, ad nauseum .  * A year into this pandemic and I crave human contact as equally as I crave total solitude and escape from the same contact. Again, untethered and without firm footing. I am normally very firm in my belief system and, whether right or wrong, in my actions. At the moment, I find myself caught in slipstreams and incorrect placements and streaks of starshine just out of reach. This is fine for now, but I'