Not Waving but Drowning

 

"Nobody heard him, the dead man,

But still he lay moaning; 

I was much further out than you thought

And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking

And now he's dead

It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,

They said. 

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always

(Still the dead one lay moaning)

I was much too far out all my life

And not waving but drowning."

*    *    *

I've always loved this phrase from British poet Stevie Smith. The first time I heard it was my freshman year of college, but not in one of my class lectures or from any of my books. There was a band that came and played on campus by this name. They were loud and screamy and they were just my vibe at a time when I was listening to a lot more punk and emo. You can find their stuff here on their Spotify page. 

I've been trying to put together a coherent something about the absolute lunacy that has been this year, but I think the phrase says it nicely, and certainly more succinctly, than I could. So, too, does the music convey my current headspace. 

It's been difficult to be creative, very difficult to find the joy in things, though there are moments where a dim light shines. So I decided to make a quick trip to Portland to see one of my oldest and dearest friends, Erika. 

*

I arrived Friday afternoon and got settled into the hotel. Took a quick dip in the pool and then strolled around the corner for some quick ramen and gyoza at The House of Ramen PDX. I hit the pool again, but the hotel seemed to be overrun by children for some reason, and then turned in early. 

Woke up early on Saturday with plans to link up with Erika later that day, so I strolled my happy ass on over to Powell's Books, an absolutely legendary store. It's deceptive when you first step in; it feels much smaller than you imagine...until you realize just how big and labyrinthine the store actually is, which makes for a fantastic book shopping experience. Super organized (topic, genres, sub-genres, etc.) and an ungodly amount of delicious staff picks containing great summations of the books in every section of the store. 

I got there about an hour after they opened and the place was already humming with tons of people (easily triple digits, but not stiflingly so). Great horror selection, great small press selection, just...a fun store to get lost in for a cool minute. My only beef was the size of the coffee shop inside, but again, this is a popular place and plenty of people come here to drink coffee and work from the cafe. Would've stuck around longer had there been seating. 

Found a few great additions to my "to read" pile, however. Hopefully they're as good as their summaries made them out to be. 

After making my purchases, I sat in the waiting area of the lobby drinking my coffee and watched all the foot traffic outside the store. Despite the rainy morning, the intersection was crazy busy. Once my coffee was done, I hoofed it several blocks down to The Skeleton Key Odditorium, took a brief look around, bought a shirt and then headed back to the hotel. 

*

I met up with Erika a few hours later. I'd made dinner reservations for a spot called Q, which had been recommended by a number of friends. The restaurant was a small place, and super dominated by the length of the bar, but was cozy and delicious. We started off with the truffle bruschetta and the bacon-wrapped dates - both unreal good. When it was time to order, we found that we were both vacillating between ordering the seafood crepes or the osso bucco and decided we'd both get one and simply share them, ending the night with an absolutely exceptional black bottom banana creme pie. 

Once we got back to the hotel, we hit the hot tub for some relaxation, but were again soon overrun by the loudness of an ungodly amount of children terrorizing the area. 

*

Sunday morning found us searching out brunch in the city, landing on a spot called Gravy. Interesting location and seating style, but I've never had such a massive amount of food arrive in front of me. After 20 minutes of straight eating, I still seemed to have made no dent. It became my dinner later that night and then another breakfast again in the morning before my flight home...and I still didn't finish it all. 

When Erika asked what I wanted to see in the city, I told her that I wanted to see some of her favorite spots, and the day had opened up a bit and was less rainy than the day before (though still cloudy and wet from the week's snow storm). We drove through Washington Park in the northwestern part of the city. It reminded me a great deal of Golden Gate Park in San Francisco, if a bit more spread out in style. The city itself also reminded me a great deal of San Francisco in many ways, primarily just the vibe of the people around and the weather (if much, much wetter than the Bay Area). 

We drove by the Japanese Garden, hoping to stop in if it wasn't too busy, but it seemed...overflowing, which was not a vibe we were interested in. 

So instead, we drove on through to the Internation Rose Test Garden, this super cool area where new roses are grown and tested out in what are considered "optimal rose weather" to see how they'll fare in other climates. Obviously none of the blooms were up and out, but it was a fascinating area to walk through and learn about. 

*

After, we headed to the final place on my "must see" list, the Freakybuttrue Peculiarium. 

Now, I'm not sure about "freakybuttrue," but they nailed it on the peculiarium front. I'm always a little iffy on paying for tours of supposedly freaky things, but this one actually had me entertained in all the great ways. Tons of fun selfie/photo options for the family throughout the small, snaking exhibition and every wall, nook, and cranny is filled with something new and weird to check out longer than you probably should. 

*

We ended the day at her favorite tea shop, Stephen Smith Teamaker, and I gotta say...I was pretty impressed with the flavors I experienced. Since I've been back on my power fasting program, I've been drinking more tea during the time periods I'm not eating, so this was a lovely and welcome surprise. 

It was a small place, with only three or four tiny tables and then a sprinkling of seats along the floor-to-ceiling windows looking out into the intersection. Numerous delivery drivers paused and double-parked outside to pick up orders while we were there, so this is clearly THE place to go in Portland for your tea drinking needs. 

I started with the Kissmet Churro Chai, which was amazing, but then I got to smell some of the other blends they had sitting around the store and made my second round a large version of the Ice Cream Royale, which had no business being as good as it was. I'm still very much considering having a large quantity of it shipped to me. 

After our tea and girl talk session, she dropped me off back at the hotel and headed home. I spent the evening relaxing and reading some of my new books, packing, and yes...getting in the hot tub one more time despite all the screaming kids around. 

Since I haven't been drinking much the last few months, I passed on my normal scotch-per-flight drink, which meant I was able to focus on reading. Since I was halfway through Zafon's "The Shadow of the Wind," I had the immense pleasure of getting wrapped up in his world again on the flight home, nearly finishing the book in the process. 

Ironically, it is the story of book lovers and friends living and existing under fascist regimes. 

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